theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
