WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize