I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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