So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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