brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
