I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
