He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
