I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
