SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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