4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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