does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
