the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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