the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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