I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
