Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
