Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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