remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
