wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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