Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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