College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
