I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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