i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
