can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
