Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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