Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
