So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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