I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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