Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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