It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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