just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
