If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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