MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
