Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
