Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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