I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
