Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
