Small penises have feelings too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
