I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
