using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
