Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
