dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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