I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
