i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
