For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
