I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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