when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
His nipple licking is glorious
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