There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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