Me too!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
