Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
