There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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