I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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