You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
