dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
