Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
