i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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