After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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