you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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