i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
