As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
